movie critique: 10,000 BC

ok, who actually still uses xanga?  i do, somtimes mike z, occasionally arlyn d.  thought i'd use it to critique these plethora of movies ive seen.  don't expect some insightful, or even accurate depictions like some ebert/roeper nonsense, this is just for my sheer enjoyment.

10,000 BC.

we saw this, and a lot of critics gave it a lot of bad marks.  rotten tomatoes and alla that.

what i was feelin:  i think the main character's name was D'Lai or something, but imma call him Duleng.  first off, how you going to get Johnny Drama from like 15 years ago to play him, but anyways Duleng transferred a white boy rastafarian UC Berkley attending caveman (by way of Encino man influence) into this pseudo, caveman's champ.  this kat killed a wooly mammoth by himself (sorta) and can talk to sabretooth tigers (go trini!).  plus his pops was down with the "peoples" and taught him their ancient caveman dialect of, "perfect american english"

what i wasn't feelin:  he had his girl, a white girl with blue eyes played by i think Lindsay Lohan covered in mud and crud, with bad rastafarian extensions, and named Evelyn.  to think in the ancient tribes of the cro-magnon man they could come up with a germanic name of Evelyn in their broken speak "perfect american english." 

plus, these caveman had teeth whiter than hollywood kats who use Crest White Strips.

also, how you going to jack the fact that the White Spear can turn into a pseudo sword, and Duleng can talk to SabreTooth Tigers.  i know a BeastMaster rip when I see it. 

plus in the jungle scene, they had these un-named monsters chasing them, and eating the persians and horses, and i thought, oh shit...they got dinosaurs up in this piece, take that Darwin!  turns out it was really large ostriches, eating them.  Ostriches?!  Really!?  If I'm running from this un-named terror and I look back and see an ostrich chasing me, i'll be on some, "thats some ol bullshit."  before the ostrich eats my head.  at least in Lost, they had a black cloud chasing you, no one's afraid of ostriches!  They even rode ostriches in Swiss Family Robinson.  but i digress.

another scene stealer was when Duleng threw his white spear at the God, and hit him.  i smell 300 rip. 

the movie was too CGI to be believable, but not not enough CGI'd to be blockbuster worthy.

all in all, I give 10,000BC a C, for Can't come up with anything else better to do then dreaming up scenes of killer ostriches.

tik'tik, get @ me. 

my hate burns on...

10 things i randomly hate in the bathroom:

1.  i hate when you have to take a piss in the men's bathroom, and standing at a urinal, the floor is so oily that your feet split your legs slowly in a upside down Y fashion, and you have to re-adjust ever so often.
2.  i hate having to take a dump on different non-newfield floors, because i'm embarrassed people will recognize my kicks and hear my noises, and secretly make fun of me behind my back...fuckers.
3.  i hate having to pee in the morning and waiting for your junk to "calm down" so you can pee properly, else you're bending at a 45 degree angle to hit your mark.
4.  i hate having to pee, and you got split stream, and friendly fire, only remedy i've found to correct this is to pee harder.
5.  i hate having to use the restroom at other people's spot and when you lift the toilet seat, you see remnants of pubic hair and/or last night's yak from drinking too much.
6.  i hate peeing in a urinal in a public place with other kats, and you try to fight it, but you have a little bitch shiver.
7.  i hate being so nervous that you self-will yourself the runs later on. 
8.  i hate how white folk don't wash their hands after they pee, just because they didn't pee on their hands. 
9.  i hate those double decker toilet paper dispensers, where if the bottom one is out, you have to play "reach up the skirt" to get a decent number of squares to wipe your ass.
10.  i hate having to make small talk with the bathroom attendant, and him looking at me like i owe him a tip just because he dried my fucking hands.

hatehatehate.

yahyah...right

my friend LiVo does a 10 things to be thankful list or whatever.  i thought i'd take it one step further and do 10 things i hate on...

10 things i hate on (no particular order)

1.  i hate the feeling of loose cuticles getting caught on thread, or when tying a tie, or running your fingers on the roof of your car ceiling, and they get caught.  fuck...that.
2.  i hate the feeling of having everything ready for going on, new shirt, new slacks, new fade, etc., but no clean draws anywhere.
3.  i hate how hard it is to find decent music on rotation in houston.
4.  i hate how skinny girls complain how fat they are, and eat nothing but greens and/or go on the "Biggest Loser" competitions.
5.  i hate being in close proximity with "american" folk, and they have that "smell."
6.  i hate how when you work for IT, they expect you to know how to fix everything, and if they don't, they secretly joke behind your back.
7.  i hate thick accented asian kats using black folk slang.
8.  i hate being the last one to leave at work, and the first one they call when on after hours duty.
9.  i hate losing at board games.
10.  i hate prepubescent white kid shows on MTV that deals with high school drama that no one can really relate to, unless you're white and in high school.

hatehatehate.

and now...

...something that really won't bring much meaning to your life but eh...

real talk: full equity now